The problem is that the public are all so nasty, we must all beat them down comprehensively,
They will moan, crib and whinge continuously, there must be 50 ways to screw the public.
They will come in here and be obnoxious and so rude, therefore our response must be blunt and be very, very crude,
You must repeat this mantra, especially if abused, there must be 50 ways to screw the public, 50 ways to screw the public.
Chorus
Just rant at them back, Jack, threaten a ban, Stan, just call on the boot boy to charge them a fee,
Stop off the train, Graham, you don't need to say much, just call the Gardai, Lee and they won't go free.
Ooh rant at them back, Jack, threaten a ban, Stan, just call on the boot boy and he will agree,
Stop off the train, Graham, you don't need to say much, just call the Gardai, Lee and they won't go free.
She said we will be fine as we are above the rules, the public are so thick that you can treat them like dumb fools,
We said "We appreciate that and would you please explain about the 50 ways to screw the public", she said "Why don't we go out and kick some pleb's backside, I believe that they won't understand that they're being taken for a ride".
And then she laughed and I realised she certainly was right, there must be 50 ways to screw the public, 50 ways to screw the public.
Chorus
Just rant at them back, Jack, threaten a ban, Stan, just call on the boot boy to charge them a fee,
Stop off the train, Graham, you don't need to say much, just call the Gardai, Lee and they won't go free.
Just rant at them back, Jack, threaten a ban, Stan, just call on the boot boy and he will agree,
Stop off the train, Graham, you don't need to say much, just call the Gardai, Lee and they won't go free.
Copyright Ewan Duffy 2006
Sung to the melody of "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon